I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
