It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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