Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
