he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
