We're facebook friends in real life
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
