saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
