I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
