Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
