Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
