So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
