I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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