We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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