This is not my ceiling
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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