No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
