He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
