So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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