so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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