Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
