i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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