This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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