Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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