Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
