she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
