So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
