We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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