it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
