Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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