i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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