i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
