Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
