I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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