i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
