Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
