Sorry, I don't speak sober.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
