the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
