I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When are your genitals available?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
