What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
