Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
