What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
it's like iHOP with fire
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
