Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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