Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
high people should be assigned attendants
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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