she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
