You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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