i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
