Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
