dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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