...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
