i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
