They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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