She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
