Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
