Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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