you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize